Emotional Digestion

I am working through my emotions and digesting them. This takes time when you aren’t prepared for them. I was blindsided by these emotions and am forced to digest them yet again. This time I don’t think they were caused on purpose or in any way meant to hurt me. Even knowing this, I struggle to understand how to get past these emotional hurdles.

My first instinct is to hide them away, lock them up deep inside myself and pretend like nothing happened. I know this is bad, so I am forcing myself to take a hatchet to the box deep inside and throw away the lock so that it can never be used again. I am digesting the emotions; however, this takes time.

I refuse to tell you what is going on unless you ask. I do this for your safety as telling you will not help anything and will not be good to anyone invovled. This is my issue not yours and I will not burden anyone with it (not even me).

Why are flashback emotions so hurtful and mean? They were not this bad the first time, does that mean something about myself or you?

I am second guessing myself, my feelings, my situation, my life….. How did I get back to this place? I thought I was making improvements, but I guess that was also an illusion. Do we ever really make improvements or is it all just an illusion to ourselves and sometimes others?

Do I ask too many questions? Yes, I do. It’s all in the process to understand what went on.

Whirlwind

I cry and I cry inside,

I dare not share the reason why.

Would you understand?

Would it break your heart to know what caused me pain?

 

Demons from my past,

Arise on memories long ago locked away.

Startled by this rush of emotions,

I was sure they were gone forever.

 

Unknowingly you harmed me,

This was not your purpose, I know.

For now I am caught in a whirlwind of emotions,

Between my mind and heart.

 

Dealing again with feelings,

They have nothing to do with everything.

I can feel the walls being erected again,

I must hide, at least for now.