Slimpickins's Weblog

September 24, 2012

Struggles

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 1:06 pm

I live, I love, I damage, I repair, I push you away, I pull you back, I love, I cry, I smile, I yearn, I adore, I love.

I feel like I just punched myself in the gut. Like my dreams have been shattered. Like I’m hurting or punishing myself.

I don’t know what to do. I love you more than anything. You have been my rock for so long. You have been my calm during storms. You have emotionally always been there for me. We have struggled and fought and loved.

I wish I knew how you felt. I never will. I only know how I feel and how I want you to feel. I want you to fight for me not just let me go. I want you to need me, desire me and pretend that you can’t live without me. I know it isn’t true but I still want the fantasy.

I want to be your everything, but I know that I never can be. I want you to be my everything like you have been for so long. I said it, you have been my everything. My reason to get up, my reason to keep going, my reason to make myself better, etc. Now it’s just me again.

I decided that I needed to move on and really let you go. I thought I had done a good job but I was wrong. If you return than I will never let you go, EVER!

You will always be in my heart and I will never stop loving you. I can’t hide my feelings for you when I look into your eyes. I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain. I truly am sorry.

September 20, 2012

I give up…

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 10:34 am

I give up. I succeed, I give in, I throw my arms up, I have a flag out. Please stop the pain, stop the torture, stop the teasing. I keep trying and I keep failing at love. I am not supposed to have love just yet, I get the message. I need to move on and forget about love.  So I give up. No more looking, no more trying.

I will lock myself back up and hide my heart from the world. One too many times…. Always so close and always a bitch slap to the face. Shutdown initiated.

September 7, 2012

Walk for the Animals

Filed under: General Stuff — Tags: , , , , , , , — slimpickins @ 6:23 pm
Ginger and I are registered as participants in Seattle Humane Society’s 10th annual Walk for the Animals. The Walk for the Animals helps to raise lifesaving donations for the thousands of animals in the Seattle Humane Society’s care. The walk takes place on Sunday, September 23, 2012.

To make a donation online now, please visit our personal page.

http://shs.convio.net/site/TR/Events/General?px=1044845&pg=personal&fr_id=1100

September 5, 2012

Pulling back

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 4:57 pm

As I get older, I find myself pulling back from people more and more. I’m not sure if this is because I’m finally seeing people or if I’m just tired of being treated a certain way.

I am a person who needs social interaction, but I’m choosing who gets that interaction now. I hope this is a step in the right direction.

Pulling back doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It could be that I don’t like who I am when I am around you.

I don’t function decently alone, but I’m trying to learn how to. I think I may need this skill for the future. The only one you can rely on is yourself.

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