Slimpickins's Weblog

March 31, 2013

5 days….

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , — slimpickins @ 10:55 pm

5 days in one month. This is all I have spent with you. You keep asking for more space. This is not a relationship. 5 days is not a relationship.

I think I have to let you let me go. This is hard and means I take back my stuff and my heart. 😦 I cry for the loss of us.

(edited I thought it was 4 days but I forgot one and it was a total of 5 days.)

March 29, 2013

Ever wish things turned out differently…

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , , , , — slimpickins @ 2:38 pm

Have you ever wished that things turned out differently? I find myself lately thinking about I really wish that I would have been hit by the big rig that almost got me about 2 months ago. Things may not be easier than they are today depending on if I died or was just maimed. I know these are not healthy thoughts and no I am not gonna hurt myself. I could have saved myself other types of heartaches by just being hit. I realize I am only trading pain, but I would gladly take physical pain over heartache any day.

I am so tired of heartache. I am tired of getting my hopes up and only being let down. I am being tired of here “I love you” by someone who doesn’t want to see me during the week and only sometimes on the weekends. Obviously you don’t love me enough to want to spend time with me. Apparently the 3 hours together a night is WAY too much time with me. Apparently sleeping in the same bed with me is too much time with me. Apparently only seeing me on the weekends is too much time with me. So again, I am not sure what is going on.

We were seeing each other every evening and spending the weekends together and it was as blissful as it could be. I don’t know what changed but you asked me to not move in with you. Then you needed space so all the evenings were yours and I went back to my place. Then you stopped wanting to see me much on the weekends. I feel like I am now only there to see you when you feel it’s convenient. I feel rejected. I feel denied. I feel sad. I cry. I am hurt.

The worst part is that I still love you. I still desire to be with you, see you and share experiences with you. I know deep in my heart that I am still not ready to let go. This scares me that I will allow myself more pain and hurt because damn it I gave you my heart and soul and I am not ready for it to come back to me.

I pretend that we are just friends. I pretend that the distance is okay. I pretend that I am just needy wanting to see you everyday. I pretend that I am not as hurt as I really am. I put up walls and pretend they are not needed. I do all of this to survive and not completely fall apart. I do this to save me. I do this to protect myself from you. I do this because I take love and relationships seriously. I do not give myself away lightly. I am not frivolous with my love.

March 19, 2013

I cry for me

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 8:48 am

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I cry for me. I cry for you. I weep for us. I shed a tear for what we have lost. We used to navigate the river together, but somewhere along the way you got off and onto your own boat. You are still in the river next to me. You have abandonded me and left me to navigate the current alone. I weep for me. I weep for you. I shed tears for us. I cry for what we have lost.

March 15, 2013

What I want…

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 10:16 am

This is what I want… Someone that fits this description… “You are my heart, you are my soul, you lift me up, you make me want to be a better person, you make me smile, you make me giggle and you are my light at the end of a long dark tunnel.”

I want someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.

It’s so hard to stop and backtrack all the way to the beginning and begin again without feeling hurt, rejected and denied.

March 6, 2013

Love me, please

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: — slimpickins @ 11:42 am

What is it that is wrong with me?

Why can’t anyone love me?

Why can’t anyone be in love with me or stay in love with me?

March 4, 2013

Love is…

Filed under: General Stuff — Tags: — slimpickins @ 11:24 am

Love is not something you say, it is something you live. Love is making a decision that is difficult and painful for you because it is better for the one you love. Love is trusting someone when others, or yourself, or logic or whatever insists otherwise.

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