Slimpickins's Weblog

February 15, 2012

A little insight into the Bree brain

Filed under: General Stuff — slimpickins @ 9:55 pm

I’m a worry wort. I easily stress out. I crave affection. I desire personal attention. I dance to center myself. I need to be around people. I need to constantly being moving. I need to have stimulating conversation that goes both ways. I hate being made fun of all the time. I am emotional and not afraid to show it. I don’t think showing emotion is weak, in fact I sometimes find it weak to hide emotions.

I feel best when I am with someone. I feel best when I out doing something or in doing something. I enjoy a good lively converstaion.

When I am alone for too long, I start to doubt myself, who I am, what I want and where I want to be. When I start to doubt myself I lose self confidence and my abilities.

I have tried meditation, but it has never worked for me like it does for everyone else. When I dance it’s a meditation for me. When I go for long walks it can be a meditation for me.

I get in my own way much of the time. I over-worry and over-stress out about everything. Telling me to just get out of my way, or just to stop worrying/stressing is like asking someone to stop desiring sex. I’m sure with enough counseling they could do it, just like I could do it. It just isn’t that simple and you have to want to change.

February 10, 2012

Worry wort

Filed under: Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 2:04 pm

Why do you threaten me so? I know you don’t mean to threaten me, yet I feel threatened to the very fiber of my being. How is it that I feel less attractive, less of a person, not as smart, not good enough, etc. when the conversation is not even about anything important or even to me? I just don’t feel enough when with you, talking to you, reading about you or around you. I know it’s all me and in my head ( I hope so ). Otherwise I have already lost this battle. This scares and saddens me alike.

Happiness, Love, Life, Contentment, Work, Career, School…

Filed under: Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 2:02 pm

Happiness, Love, Life, Contentment, Work, Career, School… What does it all mean? What is it all for?

February 9, 2012

Worry wort

Filed under: Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 10:16 pm

Why do you threaten me so? I know you don’t mean to threaten me, yet I feel threatened to the very fiber of my being. How is it that I feel less attractive, less of a person, not as smart, not good enough, etc. when the conversation is not even about anything important or even to me? I just don’t feel enough when with you, talking to you, reading about you or around you. I know it’s all me and in my head ( I hope so ). Otherwise I have already lost this battle. This scares and saddens me alike.

Love…

Filed under: Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 7:52 am

I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. I know that I will never have you, as it is not meant to be. I still wanna be with you, even though I know that it cannot last. I doubt you feel the same, but I will never know as you lock your emotions and feeling deep down inside. Emotions and feelings are not the plague, they should be let out not locked away.

I dreamed of you last night and your twin. It was a nightmare and like always I ended up the one hurt. Maybe it’s a sure sign that I should not be in contact with you. I do not know, but I’m ready to move on to a new stage in my life. Maybe you will be in it and maybe you will not, only time shall see.

February 7, 2012

Why? Why? Why?

Filed under: Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 8:30 pm

I swear that you push me away and then you grab me and pull me back in. You seem to do that just before the tether is broken for good. I am frustrated, annoyed, angered and disgusted at myself. What it is about you that does not allow me to run away from you or just to run to you? What is it about you that you have to run away and come back again? Why can’t you just let me be?

Why do I allow myself to be in this position? Why do I struggle so? Why do I have to be so emotional? Why do you have to be so cold and unemotional? Why? Why? Why?

Maybe I just like to torture myself. Maybe I like to be frustrated, annoyed, angered and disgusted by myself. No one knows, not even I.

Maybe I am just wrong about you. Maybe I am just wrong about me. I guess I expected more and that was my mistake. I am trying not to make the same mistake twice. If I learn from this situation then it wasn’t a mistake, wasn’t wasted. But what is the lesson here??

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