Slimpickins's Weblog

July 29, 2010

People do care…

Filed under: Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 10:54 am

So I was deciding if people really read my rants, work updates, etc…  I was thinking of canceling my blog if no one was reading it. I can write the same things in a journal and feel better without sharing it to the world. But what fun is in that??? I have to share, because I do get shy sharing this stuff in person sometimes (okay so only to large groups, but still).

I always have too many things going on in my life, and I hate it. It’s my own fault and I don’t think I would be happy without it. I used to just work 40 hours, go home and clean house, work on hobbies, spend times with friends and family and gets lots of stuff done that I enjoyed. I now work 50 hours, spend 20-30 hours with school, go home and do laundry and dishes, see family and friends in between classes and get nothing done that I enjoy. I know where the turning point was, I just don’t know how to go back. So i am enlisting friends and family to help even if they don’t wish too. (You are soooo welcome!)

The turning point for me was when I started suspecting things during my marriage. As I worried more and more about what was going on behind me that I wasn’t seeing, I turned to work. I would rather be at work making money than be at home. I needed the money because the money in the bank was magically disappearing. We were getting evicted, couldn’t afford food for us (the dogs always had food), I was going through medical issues and I just felt so alone. I tried to talk to my family when I was able, and friends were hard to come by in those days. I worked hard to try to make things right, but it was all a one-sided effort. I cared less and less about myself and lost who I was in the turmoil. Work was my solace, my rock, my safety blanket. I could control work even if nothing else in my life was working the way it should be.

I have come a long way, but there is still a long way left for me to go. I am trying now to get back to the simpler times.

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July 28, 2010

Confused and tired…

Filed under: Rants, Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 10:24 am

I run into your arms, but as soon as I get there I feel guilty for being there. I feel the need to pull away, run and hide or close off myself all together from you. There is no logical reason to feel guilt, yet I do. I am a free person to do what I want when I want to do it. What I know of you so far, you are exactly what I have been looking for. I can’t shake the feeling that there is a catch somewhere, something must be wrong there is always something. You have been in my life for a long time being there when I needed you in whatever capacity I needed you to be there for me. You have most of the traits that I desire, and some that I don’t (which I love).

I don’t know if I am afraid of being happy or if I am just still not ready. My heart belongs to another and yet I want to take a leap of faith. I am free to make any choices I wish. I know that I could fall for you easily, fast and hard, and that truthfuly scares me to death. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to get hurt again. I also do not want to the person who holds my heart. Yet I am drawn to you, I desire to see what it would be like to experience you in any and all ways.

Yes I know this information will hurt some people, confuse others and maybe flatter others all together.  I want it to be known that I don’t take my decision making lightly. I want it to be known that I am aware of the risks of even putting this all out there. I have been thinking about possibilities of things that may even never in reality take form. My mind works that way and I like to be prepared. If I end up in a situation that could go either direction I want to make an informed choice. I don’t want to hurt anyone involved or uninvolved. Myself, the person who has my heart or the person who just might be a prospect.

Yes it’s true, the thougtht of the future and what might be has not yet been discussed in more than a  “lets just see what happens” kind of way. I am a worry wart and I am constantly thinking ahead seeing the big picture. I don’t know where I will be in 6 months, who I will be with, what I will be doing or even what I want. I can tell you that I follow my head more than my heart. So the chance that my heart will lead me astray is not likely, becuase I can always ignore it as I have done so many times in the past.

July 24, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 10:06 am


Myspace Countups, Funny Countups at WishAFriend.com

July 11, 2010

True Love…

Filed under: Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 2:48 pm
I love you, I miss you, I need you, I want you, I desire you, I hate you, I despise you, I crave you… Where would I be without you? Where have I gone with you? Why do I care where you are or who you are with? Why can’t I go with you? I told you to leave and you listened to me and obeyed. Things have not been the same since.

You are my mind a lot lately, as I struggle to find myself yet again.

It has been years without you yet you are still on my mind and in my heart. You loved me unconditionally from the day that I met you until the day you left this earth. I may not have gotten your best health years, but I got to experience your soul and your being which was enough. I see pieces of you in others that I bring into my life. I only wish that you could have seen how great you were and that taking care of yourself was also taking care of me. I consult you every day to ensure I am making the right choices. Ginger still sees you around the house, so I know that you are still with me. It brings us comfort to know that you are around, watching over both of us.

Remember that you are missed by Ginger, myself, your friends and family. We will not let your memory disappear.

July 9, 2010

Mantras, Proverbs and just good common sense

Filed under: General Stuff — slimpickins @ 10:57 am

These are mantras that I have found on my Yogi teabags:

  • Mantras you shouldn’t say: I don’t know; I’m not ready; I can’t do it.
  • Those who want to be prosperous must first make others prosperous.
  • Let your manners speak, your deeds prove and your delivery impress.
  • If you unconsciously live a conscious life, you can never be poor.
  • If your word does not reflect your spirit and honor, do not speak.
  • Live in your Strength.
  • Live for each other.
  • Be proud of who you are.
  • Always be pure, simple and honest.
  • Patience gives the power to practice; practive gives the power that leads to perfection.
  • Provoke, confront, elevate.
  • Obey, serve, love, excel.
  • You only give when you love.
  • The art of happiness is to serve all.
  • Tranquility is the essence of life.
  • Let your heart guide you.
  • Don’t sleep counting sheep. Count blessings, then sleep.
  • True wealth is the ability to let go of your possessions.
  • Grace brings contentment.
  • Have wisdom in your actions and faith in your merits.
  • Experience your own body, your own mind and your own soul.
  • Truth is everlasting
  • There is beauty in your presence. Show who you are.
  • Unite with your own higher self and create a friendship.
  • There are three values: Feel good, be good and do good.
  • Delight the world with your compassion, kindness and grace.
  • Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light.
  • Wisdom becomes knowledge when it is personal experience.
  • Mental happiness is total relaxation.
  • Our Intuition lies in our Innocence.
  • Old age needs wisdom and grace.
  • Understanding is found through compassion.
  • Love your soul.
  • Practice kindness, mercy and forgiveness.
  • Man is as vast as he acts.
  • Love, compassion and kindness are the anchors of life.
  • Your destiny is to merge with infinity.
  • Love what is ahead by loving what has come before.
  • In order to be remembered, leave nothing behind but goodness.
  • May you have love, kindness and compassion for all living things.
  • Goodness should become human nature, because it is real in nature.
  • To be healthy: eat right, walk right and talk to yourself right.
  • The beauty in you is your spirit.
  • Uplift everybody and uplift yourself.
  • Meditation is the medicine of the mind.
  • Mental happiness is total relaxation.
  • Open up to inifinity and you become infinity.
  • Oneness is achieved by recognizing your self.
  • May this day bring you peace, tranquility and harmony.
  • We are here to love each other, serve each other and uplift each other.
  • Whatever character you give your children shall be their future.
  • Your greatness is measured by your gifts, not by what you have.
  • For every loss there’s an equal gain, for every gain there’s an equal loss.
  • Be so happy that when others look as you they become happy too.
  • Your life is based on the capacity of energy in you, not outside of you.

My fortune cookies:

  • Your love life will change for the better. 7/2/2010 (still has not happened)
  • You can breeze through most of the day.
  • You will excel in something in which another failed.
  • You will be presented with a promising business plan (didn’t happen)
  • You will have an opportunity. 10/5/2010
  • You will use your ideas for great benefit. 10/5/2010

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