Slimpickins's Weblog

November 6, 2011

Moving on and on and on and on…

Filed under: General Life Updates — slimpickins @ 2:36 pm

As every day goes by, I move further and further away. I feel that you are pushing me away and I will take your nudge and move further and further away. I still care about you and I always will, but not in the capacity or way that I have in the past. You have permanently changed me and the way I look at things. You have been there for me, during some of my darkest days and I am forever in your debt for that. I know that I cannot live happily the way things are;  I need/require things that you are not able to provide at this time. Someday you may be able to provide those things, but I have no idea when that will happen.

As every day goes by, you are always in my heart and mind. Even though you are no longer a part of this reality, you visit me often to make sure I am taken care of. Ginger and I are grateful for these check-ins. You have taught me a lot about myself and our time together will always remain a part of who I am today. I will always carry your love with me.

We had some fabulous times together and I did not treat you in the end the way that I should have. I feel horrible for what I did and that I was never able to tell you how much you meant to me before you passed away. I was saddened and honored when your mother called to tell me how much I meant to you up until the day of your untimely death. I never meant to cause you harm and I never meant to completely turn my back on you. I am glad that you cleaned up your life just before your passing. I will always carry your love with me.

To all of you men who have harmed me, physically, mentally, emotionally or sexually. I am sorry that you made the bad decisions that led to your actions or words of hate. I do not hate you, I wish you all the best and hope that you have taken all this time to better yourself and improve your choices/decisions. I do not wish to ever see you again, but I am sure that is for the best. Thank you for the life lessons you have given me and the strength that has come from the pain you caused to me. My physical scars have healed and my emotional scars will continue to heal as time passes by.

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