Slimpickins's Weblog

May 30, 2017

To Marry or not to Marry…

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 7:13 am

One question you should never ask yourself after 6 months to a year of dating is “If they were to ask me to marry them what would I say?” After say 6 months to a year you should know if you want to spend the rest of your live with that person or not. From my experience; if you aren’t sure the answer is “NO”.

It is difficult when you love someone but you know you do not want to marry them. I have and do struggle with this a lot. I am getting to the point to finally just walk away.

I hope to keep them as my friend but you never know how they will react to your insight that you are no longer in love with them or that you don’t see yourself marrying them. I can’t imagine it going over well, but I have been able to stay friends with those that I have dated in the past so who knows.

I am not a horrible person because I don’t want to marry you. I am not a horrible person because I want to find that one person I am meant to be with and marry them. I thought that was you, but I know now that is not you.

I am not a horrible person… Being true to myself is not being mean or horrible.

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December 29, 2015

Re-learning to Love

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs, General Stuff — Tags: , , — slimpickins @ 1:22 pm

Re-learning to Love – 12/29/2015

I feel you with me, wherever I go.

You are beside me, reminding me to live my life.

I feel your lips upon my lips.

I taste you for hours after we have kissed.

I fall into your arms and breathe in your scent.

My skin tingles, where you have caressed it.

My breathing becomes deeper, so that I can get closer to you and take more of you inside.

The passion I feel for you ignites a fire with each kiss.

My heart aches when you block me from your life.

My brain tries to fool me into deceptions, but I only need to look deep into your eyes to see the lies.

I run as fast as I can into those lies hoping to slay them before they can reach too deep and wreak too much havoc.

I know the lies have done some damage, but I am quick to try to repair it. Hoping and praying that no lasting damage has been done to us.

I could stare into your loving eyes for hours and never tire.

I stare at your face to memorize the lines, so that I can conjure you in my dreams.

I want everything and nothing at all. I only want you.

I desire you, I need you, I yearn for you to be close, so I can cherish you.

My greatest fear is that after having you, I would lose you forever.

Now that I have had you in my life, I do not want to go on without you.

You make me want to be a better person.

You make me want to run head long into the future with you; without a plan only a dream.

I will fight for you.

I will fight for me.

I will fight for us.

You have me, as much of me as I can give you.

Re-learning to open my broken heart and put the pieces back together.

Re-learning passion, which I thought had long ago been distinguished.

Re-learning carnal desires, which I was sure I would never experience again.

I give more of myself to you every day as I fall deeper and deeper.

I had no idea that I could get this lost in someone, again.

This is so new to me, I am learning from you, re-learning to love.

June 10, 2015

Tired of waiting

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 1:37 pm

I wait for you and you are always too busy. I sit around and just wait and wait and wait for you and yet you never come to see me.

I get tired of waiting and I start doing and then you get upset with me for not waiting for you and always being busy.

You can’t have it both ways. Either you get to see me or you don’t; but I refuse to wait around for you. I have a life and I will live it alone with you if that is your choice. All signs point to me living life alone without you in it. I am sad, crushed and heartbroken, but I am strong and know that it won’t last long and soon I will be back where I was before I met you but with a small portion of my heart and soul missing that you will always have.

September 9, 2014

5 year plan….

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: — slimpickins @ 5:42 pm

Where do I want to be in 5 years??

I want to be in a good strong equal relationship with someone who loves me, wants to be with me, wants to be here for me and who will help take care of me. I will of course do the exact same thing for them. I want them to be in the relationship with me and not constantly pulling away and hiding from me. I want to see them more than 3-4 days a month. I want them to communicate with me about everything. I want them to trust me. I want them to love me and be in love with me. I want passion. I want emotion. I want intimacy. I want cuddles and kisses regularly.

I want to have a house or be close to buying one. With my own fenced in yard for the girls to play in.

I want to have a good paying job so that I can work towards paying off my student loans quicker.

I want to have more tattoo work and more dental work done.

I want to be able to be myself and not get SHIT for it.

I want to be having lots and lots of sex… well okay an average amount of sex 3-4 times a week would be perfect.

I want to have my self-confidence levels increased.

I want to have my body more toned and my weight above 100 lbs and hopefully to stay there.

I want to have more happy days than sad days.

I want to get back to taking a vacation every year for at least a week.

September 3, 2014

Missing out on life…

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 3:38 pm

You know what I have missed the most over this last year??

Sex
Affection
Kisses
Making Out
Orgasms
Mind-Blowing, earth shaking Orgasms
Giggling
Tickling
Smiling
Comfort
Security
Intimacy

These are all things that you should get from a romantic relationship. Le Sigh….

August 19, 2014

Done… Done… Just Done

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs, General Life Updates — slimpickins @ 4:50 pm

I can’t do anything else. I asked to see you with all of your new found free time and you brush me off with a one word response of “busy”. If you are too busy to spend time with me, then I am walking away.

I will gather my stuff and move on. Bye Bye Jax.. I loved you with everything in my heart and soul and you couldn’t return it no did you really want to try.

Enjoy your life, maybe our paths will meet in the future.

August 12, 2014

Woman….

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , — slimpickins @ 4:41 pm

When she walks away from you mad:
Follow her.

When she stares at your mouth:
Kiss her.

When she pushes you or hits you:
Grab her and don’t let go.

When she starts cussing at you:
Kiss her and tell her you love her.

When she’s quiet:
Ask her what’s wrong.

When she ignores you:
Give her your attention.

When she pulls away:
Pull her back.

When you see her at her worst:
Tell her she’s beautiful.

When you see her start crying:
Just hold her and don’t say a word.

When you see her walking:
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

When she’s scared:
Protect her.

When she lays her head on your shoulder:
Tilt her head up and kiss her.

When she steals your favorite shirt:
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

When she teases you:
Tease her back and make her laugh.

When she doesn’t answer for a long time:
Reassure her that everything is okay.

When she looks at you with doubt:
Back yourself up.

When she says that she likes you:
She really does more than you could understand.

When she grabs at your hands:
Hold hers and play with her fingers.

When she bumps into you:
Bump into her back and make her laugh.

When she tells you a secret:
Keep it safe and untold.

When she looks at you in your eyes:
Don’t look away until she does.

When she misses you:
She’s hurting inside.

When you break her heart:
The pain never really goes away.

When she says its over:
She still wants you to be hers.

When she reposts this bulletin:
She wants you to read it.

~Author Unknown

August 10, 2014

I deserve LOVE

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , , , — slimpickins @ 4:51 pm

I deserve LOVE – 8/10/2014

I may not deserve FOREVER;
I may not deserve ROMANCE;
I may not deserve TULIPS, CANDLES or DINNER;
I may not deserve THE WORLD;
I may not deserve the SUN, the MOON or the STARS;
I may not deserve KISSES, SOFT CARESSES, or TENDERNESS;
I may not deserve the LOVE and LIFE that I dream about..

I gave you all of me,
Without asking a lot in return.
That was my problem I did not ask for more.
I allowed you to give me nothing,
When I gave you everything.

I have fought for me,
I have fought for you,
I have fought for us….
And yet I still lost and came away with less than I started with.

I feel that I do deserve intimacy;
I deserve physical affection and attention;
I deserve conversation;
I deserve compromise;
I deserve equality;
And I deserve LOVE.

June 19, 2014

I miss sex and intimacy…

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 10:01 pm

I miss sex and intimacy…. way too much… I think it’s been over a year now, but I don’t know. over a year in a relationship and no intimacy or sex…

😦 I just want to be desired by one person and that person still doesn’t want me. I may need to move on.

May 20, 2014

Not Attractive

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , — slimpickins @ 5:04 pm

I know that I am not attractive. I have been told it all my life that I can remember.

You are too skinny, too flat chested, too bony, too strange, too blunt, too aggressive, too impulsive, too happy, too smiley, say “I love you” too much, kiss too much, hug too much, want too much affection, aren’t pretty enough, have too many scars on my face, are too little, etc….

I don’t feel attractive anymore. I don’t feel beautiful. I don’t feel sexy. I don’t even feel average or normal looking. I feel UGLY. I feel HORRID. I feel like I have a DISEASE or am one.

I feel negatively about my looks. I love my heart and my brain. I am smart, intelligent, creative, kind, compassionate and hopefully a good friend.

This past year or so has really taken a toll on my self esteem and confidence (or lack there of).

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