Today is my 11th Divorciary and I am soooo excited…
Re-learning to Love – 12/29/2015
I feel you with me, wherever I go.
You are beside me, reminding me to live my life.
I feel your lips upon my lips.
I taste you for hours after we have kissed.
I fall into your arms and breathe in your scent.
My skin tingles, where you have caressed it.
My breathing becomes deeper, so that I can get closer to you and take more of you inside.
The passion I feel for you ignites a fire with each kiss.
My heart aches when you block me from your life.
My brain tries to fool me into deceptions, but I only need to look deep into your eyes to see the lies.
I run as fast as I can into those lies hoping to slay them before they can reach too deep and wreak too much havoc.
I know the lies have done some damage, but I am quick to try to repair it. Hoping and praying that no lasting damage has been done to us.
I could stare into your loving eyes for hours and never tire.
I stare at your face to memorize the lines, so that I can conjure you in my dreams.
I want everything and nothing at all. I only want you.
I desire you, I need you, I yearn for you to be close, so I can cherish you.
My greatest fear is that after having you, I would lose you forever.
Now that I have had you in my life, I do not want to go on without you.
You make me want to be a better person.
You make me want to run head long into the future with you; without a plan only a dream.
I will fight for you.
I will fight for me.
I will fight for us.
You have me, as much of me as I can give you.
Re-learning to open my broken heart and put the pieces back together.
Re-learning passion, which I thought had long ago been distinguished.
Re-learning carnal desires, which I was sure I would never experience again.
I give more of myself to you every day as I fall deeper and deeper.
I had no idea that I could get this lost in someone, again.
This is so new to me, I am learning from you, re-learning to love.
I do not search for love, for I am already loved.
I do not search for lust, for lust can be deceiving.
I do not search for sex, for sex is easy to find.
I do not search for completion, for I am already complete.
I search for humor, as I crave laughter.
I search for fun, as I like to smile and enjoy life.
I search for intelligence, as deep conversation is food for the soul.
I search for creativity, as art is necessary in life.
I search for a companion, as I want to share life experiences.
I search for a good heart, as helping others is a necessity.
I search for a soul mate, as I am ready to bind my soul for eternity.
I wait for you and you are always too busy. I sit around and just wait and wait and wait for you and yet you never come to see me.
I get tired of waiting and I start doing and then you get upset with me for not waiting for you and always being busy.
You can’t have it both ways. Either you get to see me or you don’t; but I refuse to wait around for you. I have a life and I will live it alone with you if that is your choice. All signs point to me living life alone without you in it. I am sad, crushed and heartbroken, but I am strong and know that it won’t last long and soon I will be back where I was before I met you but with a small portion of my heart and soul missing that you will always have.
Here are my life goals:
1.Travel to Puerto Rico and meet Alexis and Boris
2.Go to all Disney Parks in the World at least once
3.Take a real cruise
4.Ride a Bull
5.Drive in a Demolition Derby
6.Learn how to drive a manual transmission
7.Learn how to ride a motorcycle
9.Visit the Grand Canyon and walk the see-through bridge
10.Buy a house (on my own or with my love)
12.Own a Hearse
13. Travel to Germany and meet Ramona, Tom, Sage and Muffin.
14.Leave a meaningful mark on this world when I leave
15.Spend the rest of my days making the love of my life; feel happy, deserved and content
17.Learn to work on Motorcyles
18.Learn how to do more vehicle maintenance (routine stuff like suspension/struts, etc.)
19.Go to Northwest Trek
20.Go up the Space Needle
21.Go to the Kangaroo Farm
23.Get all my teeth fixed
24.Get more tattoos (full sleeves and back at least)
25.Take a ride in a hot air balloon
26.Pay off all of my school loan debt
27.See the Island of the Dolls in Mexico
28.Get a New Year’s Kiss
30.Visit Mt. Rushmore
31.Have more sex
* Get engaged to the love of my life (Remove… not sure I want to get engaged or married anymore)
* Have a Bachelorette Party (Remove… not sure I want to get engaged or married anymore)
* Get married to the love of my life (Remove… not sure I want to get engaged or married anymore)
* Have a Honeymoon (Remove… not sure I want to get engaged or married anymore)
* Skydive (Completed… went on my first skydice from 13,000 FT 07/2014)
* Find another Charlie Horse (completed 2014)
* Do a motorcycle ride-along (completed 2014)
* Get my B.S. in Accounting (Completed 6/2014)