Slimpickins's Weblog

May 20, 2014

Not Attractive

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , — slimpickins @ 5:04 pm

I know that I am not attractive. I have been told it all my life that I can remember.

You are too skinny, too flat chested, too bony, too strange, too blunt, too aggressive, too impulsive, too happy, too smiley, say “I love you” too much, kiss too much, hug too much, want too much affection, aren’t pretty enough, have too many scars on my face, are too little, etc….

I don’t feel attractive anymore. I don’t feel beautiful. I don’t feel sexy. I don’t even feel average or normal looking. I feel UGLY. I feel HORRID. I feel like I have a DISEASE or am one.

I feel negatively about my looks. I love my heart and my brain. I am smart, intelligent, creative, kind, compassionate and hopefully a good friend.

This past year or so has really taken a toll on my self esteem and confidence (or lack there of).

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Just plain tired…

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , , , , , , , — slimpickins @ 4:42 pm

I’m not sure anymore. I’m tired of hurting, the humoring me, selfishness, lack of affection, hurtful words, negativity, lack of passion, lack of smiles, deceit, lack of communication, loss physical touch, loss of kisses and passive aggression.

Maybe I just need to move on keep pulling back inside.

May 13, 2014

Missing Physical Affections

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , , — slimpickins @ 11:30 am

I miss:

Just the physical presence of lying on the couch next to someone, legs entwined, head resting on my shoulder.

Holding hands

Laying a hand on a thigh while driving

Kissing at red lights

Having my hair brushed back with their hand

Someone coming up behind me while I am cooking and putting their arms around me and kissing my neck

Just those little physical tags that remind you you’re not alone in the world.

Making Out

Slow sweet sensual kisses

Any kiss that isn’t forced or rushed.

Not just a hug, but being held.

May 4, 2014

Tired with my life as it stands

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — slimpickins @ 10:28 pm

I should be happy with my life. I am almost 35 years old, almost a college graduate that I obtained while working full time, I can support myself financially, I am a great mother to Ginger.

And yet… I don’t like my life. I don’t like the path that I have ventured down or been pushed into. I am tired of the stress, tired of being taken advantage of, tired of being manipulated, tired of guilt trips, tired of passive aggressiveness, and tired of silence.

Maybe it’s the birthday blues…. maybe it’s hormones…. maybe it’s the move and living alone again.

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