Slimpickins's Weblog

March 27, 2012

Ginger Update

 

Ginger update:
Good News – She has no tumors on her kidneys or adrenal glands. Her liver looks a litte funny but has no tumors.

Bad News – The DR is 90% sure that she has Cushing Disease of the pituitary gland with a tumor that is pushing into her brain. This tumor would be inoperable and cancerous (only an MRI could tell and it will only show about 50% of the time on a MRI). This is not fatal,… because her personality will change and most likely turn violent before the cancer could really affect her.

I am deciding now if I do the blood test to diagnose the Cushings officially and try to treat it (expensive) or if I just keep her comfortable until her personality really changes, she gets violent or is in pain. SIGH.

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March 22, 2012

Therapy Day – trying to teach an woman new tricks

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: , , — slimpickins @ 8:55 am

Today is therapy day… where I go and try to figure out ways to deal with my Anxiety disorder, not have night terrors and get better sleep. I will also try to figure why I care what certain people think and let you “persuade” me into decisions, doing things I do not want to or feeling guilty for nothing at all.

Maybe I can get some guidance on how to accept contradictions from my heart and head. Such as it is okay to take a B or a C for a final grade on a class even though it makes me feel like less of a person. I will never be the picture of what I want to be, and I need to accept that. Part of the disorder is setting unreachable goals for myself. I can keep trying, but I will just end up altering the outcome as I get closer and closer. 

I can accept trying and failing, I just can’t accept not trying. I do not think it would matter what job I had, how much money I made, or what family life I had; it would still not be enough to satisfy myself as I can always strive to be better. I have a hard time not putting those rigid guidelines on others and holding them to them. Yes I know I am setting them up for failure, but I always tell myself that if they can’t handle it then they are not what I am looking for (which is a lie).

Failure is a weakness, and I refuse to be weak. This is what I keep telling myself… but I am learning that this may be wrong and the majority of my problem. I may act like things are okay on the outside, but inside I am hurting myself for showing weakness. Crying is not weakness. Dependency is weakness. Not asking for help, but being dependant on another is weakness. Not getting the good grades I can is weakness. Not being able to support myself is weakness. Not being able to own my own house is weakness. Not graduating is weakness.

Somehow I also feel that if I don’t follow everyone elses path for me of getting my CPA than I am letting everyone down. I just want to get my Masters Degree by studying abroad. I can’t do that though as I have responsibilities and a job here in the USA. It is a dream that I would love to realize though.

I upset a lot of people when I took this job at King County not using my skills. How dare I take a job that is beneath my skill level… Well folks, the less stress is totally worth the skill sacrifice.

I want to get back to a place where I was Optimistic and not Pessimistic. A place where I believed in love and equality was possible. A place where I was able to make my own decisions without being told by other people, that I shouldn’t make my own decisions (as I always choose the wrong one). A place where I wanted to spend time with people. A place where dance was as important as food. A place where I didn’t hoard food, money, or other necessities for fear that someone would come and take them all away from me. A place where I didn’t have to continually make sacrifices to survive. A place of dreams and hopes.

March 20, 2012

Tough Morning

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: , , , — slimpickins @ 7:17 am

This morning was soo tough. Ginger hid under the bed all morning refusing to come out. She’s always up cuddled in my face or chest. She wants to be away from cuddles.

She got meds on Saturday, but for the first time in 8 years doesn’t want to take them. She’s fighting me no matter what I coat it in. I hate having to be rough with her. I just wanna cry. I feel like I’m being such a meanie. 😦

March 15, 2012

New Diagnosis possibility….

Filed under: Medical Issues/Problems — Tags: , , — slimpickins @ 10:01 am

So after my dr appointment today, he thinks that I may also have Adenomyosis. I am loving all these new ideas and such.  

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002481/

I was also advised to purchase an vibrator or to have sex with my partner (which I don’t have) to test and see if the pain with sex has lessened. So now I have a new task and he would like me to update him with if there is still pain and the severity if it’s there.

March 9, 2012

Health Update – Mental

Filed under: Medical Issues/Problems — slimpickins @ 3:16 pm

I went back to seeing a therapist again. This one may help. Third time is the charm, I know it. I have been preliminarily diagnosed with GAD (General Anxiety Disorder).

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001915/

Imagine this.. all the symptoms fit. I already new this, but now it’s official to some extent.

Now lets gets this back under control… so I am get back to my OCD, worry-wort state of being. 🙂

 

Health Update – physical

Filed under: Medical Issues/Problems — slimpickins @ 3:10 pm

So…. After my surgery I am now willing to post some updates.

My endo is apparently in remission :), he found scars from where the lesions were removed before, but nothing new.

My sinuses/headaches are giving me troubles, but I think it’s all just allergies again.

My toenail is almost all healed, soon I can wear heels again and my boots.

My weight – well I weighed my normal 90-95 lbs in November 2011, I now weigh 108 lbs without changing any habits. I at one time was weighing in at 115 lbs, yet no one is worried about weight gain when your under weight. It appears I need to buy all new clothes, as nothing fits anymore. Dresses, skirts, pants, shorts, etc… I hate shopping for clothes… UGHHHH can someone do it for me or go with me?

My skin is sooo unhappy with me. I am a broken out mess. My face, my back, my legs, and my arms are covered in zits and cysts.

 

 

Giving Back

Filed under: Uncategorized — slimpickins @ 3:00 pm

Today I have worked on homework, rescheduled my laser hair removal treatment due to my laser ethestician being in the ER, called the City U proctoring dept 4 times and left messages trying to schedule my final exam time, and ate my first Doritos Taco from Taco Bell.

Today I feel like getting some dog food and taking it to the local animal shelter to donate. I feel like giving back to all those sweet puppies/kitties/bunnies and other creatures. I also love that the local shelter down here is a no-kill shelter. This makes it all the more sweeter.

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