Slimpickins's Weblog

November 30, 2012

Thankful Day 30

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: — slimpickins @ 7:10 am

Day 1: Today I am thankful for my Ginger furbaby!

Day 2: Today I am thankful to be able to pay all of my bills!

Day 3: Today I am thankful for cuddle-up sleeps with my sweetie.

Day 4: Today I am thankful for having a steady full-time job that is only 40 hours a week!

Day 5: Today I am thankful for having a wonderful landlord and neighbor.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for health, dental and vision insurance.

Day 7: Today I am thankful for communication. Important in every relationship or meeting.

Day 8: Today I am thankful for all the love in my life. My friends, family and the love of my life.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for passion. Passion that drives us to greatness or passion that drives to great sex.

Day 10: Today I am thankful for tattooists. Allowing me to individualize my skin canvas in many ways.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for my uncles, grandfather, father, mother, friends, extended family and my love who have all served our great country. I appreciate your service and dedication in all branches of the armed forces.

Day 12: Today I am thankful for federal holidays that allow me to spend more time with my beloved.

Day 13: Today I am thankful for food. All types of yummy, awesome taste-bud tingling food.

Day 14: Today I am thankful for online classes. Giving me the ability to work on my school work anywhere.

Day 15: Today I am thankful for mittens and gloves to keep my hands and fingers warm.

Day 16: Today I am thankful for all my new friends this year. Thank you for making this year better.

Day 17: Today I am thankful for hot water. Allowing for relaxing hot baths and showers.

Day 18: Today I am thankful that with all of my mental and physical issues that none will kill me. They make my life interesting but will never kill me.

Day 19: Today I am thankful for affection when I need it most in the most simple of ways. The soft caress, the look out of the corner of your eye, the soft sweet kiss, or the sweet words that you utter from your mouth.

Day 20: Today I am thankful for having 5 senses most of the time. I feel some of my senses depleting every few years, but I am greatful for what I have left and that I have trained myself so that I will be able to cope without them if need be.

Day 21: Today I am thankful for taking the commuter train to work. Less than half the time it takes the bus, cleaner people and no butts in my face.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for sunshine. It warms me up and brightens my day.

Day 23: Today I am thankful for 2 fantastic months with my Jax! I can’t wait for many more in the future.

Day 24: Today I am thankful for Naproxen.. prescription strength Naproxen. You allow me to make it through my day.

Day 25: Today I am thankful for warm merino wool socks that keep my toes warm and dry.

Day 26: Today I am thankful for the ability to unplug and not feel guilty. I really need to get away from the net and the now, more often.

Day 27: Today I am thankful for music…. allowing me to relax and say things that I can’t voice otherwise.

Day 28: Today I am thankful for rainbows, dragonflies, butterflies, unicorns, Pegasuses, glitter and zombies.

Day 29: Today I am thankful for being humbled and trying to learn patience. Humbleness and patience are important attributes and skills to have.

Day 30: Today I am thankful for mistakes. Mistakes allow us to learn and grow, thereby improving into better people.

November 29, 2012

Thankful Day 29

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: — slimpickins @ 10:05 am

Day 1: Today I am thankful for my Ginger furbaby!

Day 2: Today I am thankful to be able to pay all of my bills!

Day 3: Today I am thankful for cuddle-up sleeps with my sweetie.

Day 4: Today I am thankful for having a steady full-time job that is only 40 hours a week!

Day 5: Today I am thankful for having a wonderful landlord and neighbor.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for health, dental and vision insurance.

Day 7: Today I am thankful for communication. Important in every relationship or meeting.

Day 8: Today I am thankful for all the love in my life. My friends, family and the love of my life.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for passion. Passion that drives us to greatness or passion that drives to great sex.

Day 10: Today I am thankful for tattooists. Allowing me to individualize my skin canvas in many ways.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for my uncles, grandfather, father, mother, friends, extended family and my love who have all served our great country. I appreciate your service and dedication in all branches of the armed forces.

Day 12: Today I am thankful for federal holidays that allow me to spend more time with my beloved.

Day 13: Today I am thankful for food. All types of yummy, awesome taste-bud tingling food.

Day 14: Today I am thankful for online classes. Giving me the ability to work on my school work anywhere.

Day 15: Today I am thankful for mittens and gloves to keep my hands and fingers warm.

Day 16: Today I am thankful for all my new friends this year. Thank you for making this year better.

Day 17: Today I am thankful for hot water. Allowing for relaxing hot baths and showers.

Day 18: Today I am thankful that with all of my mental and physical issues that none will kill me. They make my life interesting but will never kill me.

Day 19: Today I am thankful for affection when I need it most in the most simple of ways. The soft caress, the look out of the corner of your eye, the soft sweet kiss, or the sweet words that you utter from your mouth.

Day 20: Today I am thankful for having 5 senses most of the time. I feel some of my senses depleting every few years, but I am greatful for what I have left and that I have trained myself so that I will be able to cope without them if need be.

Day 21: Today I am thankful for taking the commuter train to work. Less than half the time it takes the bus, cleaner people and no butts in my face.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for sunshine. It warms me up and brightens my day.

Day 23: Today I am thankful for 2 fantastic months with my Jax! I can’t wait for many more in the future.

Day 24: Today I am thankful for Naproxen.. prescription strength Naproxen. You allow me to make it through my day.

Day 25: Today I am thankful for warm merino wool socks that keep my toes warm and dry.

Day 26: Today I am thankful for the ability to unplug and not feel guilty. I really need to get away from the net and the now, more often.

Day 27: Today I am thankful for music…. allowing me to relax and say things that I can’t voice otherwise.

Day 28: Today I am thankful for rainbows, dragonflies, butterflies, unicorns, Pegasuses, glitter and zombies.

Day 29: Today I am thankful for being humbled and trying to learn patience. Humbleness and patience are important attributes and skills to have.

November 28, 2012

Thankful Day 28

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: — slimpickins @ 7:07 am

Day 1: Today I am thankful for my Ginger furbaby!

Day 2: Today I am thankful to be able to pay all of my bills!

Day 3: Today I am thankful for cuddle-up sleeps with my sweetie.

Day 4: Today I am thankful for having a steady full-time job that is only 40 hours a week!

Day 5: Today I am thankful for having a wonderful landlord and neighbor.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for health, dental and vision insurance.

Day 7: Today I am thankful for communication. Important in every relationship or meeting.

Day 8: Today I am thankful for all the love in my life. My friends, family and the love of my life.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for passion. Passion that drives us to greatness or passion that drives to great sex.

Day 10: Today I am thankful for tattooists. Allowing me to individualize my skin canvas in many ways.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for my uncles, grandfather, father, mother, friends, extended family and my love who have all served our great country. I appreciate your service and dedication in all branches of the armed forces.

Day 12: Today I am thankful for federal holidays that allow me to spend more time with my beloved.

Day 13: Today I am thankful for food. All types of yummy, awesome taste-bud tingling food.

Day 14: Today I am thankful for online classes. Giving me the ability to work on my school work anywhere.

Day 15: Today I am thankful for mittens and gloves to keep my hands and fingers warm.

Day 16: Today I am thankful for all my new friends this year. Thank you for making this year better.

Day 17: Today I am thankful for hot water. Allowing for relaxing hot baths and showers.

Day 18: Today I am thankful that with all of my mental and physical issues that none will kill me. They make my life interesting but will never kill me.

Day 19: Today I am thankful for affection when I need it most in the most simple of ways. The soft caress, the look out of the corner of your eye, the soft sweet kiss, or the sweet words that you utter from your mouth.

Day 20: Today I am thankful for having 5 senses most of the time. I feel some of my senses depleting every few years, but I am greatful for what I have left and that I have trained myself so that I will be able to cope without them if need be.

Day 21: Today I am thankful for taking the commuter train to work. Less than half the time it takes the bus, cleaner people and no butts in my face.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for sunshine. It warms me up and brightens my day.

Day 23: Today I am thankful for 2 fantastic months with my Jax! I can’t wait for many more in the future.

Day 24: Today I am thankful for Naproxen.. prescription strength Naproxen. You allow me to make it through my day.

Day 25: Today I am thankful for warm merino wool socks that keep my toes warm and dry.

Day 26: Today I am thankful for the ability to unplug and not feel guilty. I really need to get away from the net and the now, more often.

Day 27: Today I am thankful for music…. allowing me to relax and say things that I can’t voice otherwise.

Day 28: Today I am thankful for rainbows, dragonflies, butterflies, unicorns, Pegasuses, glitter and zombies.

November 27, 2012

A glimmer into my hurtful past…

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs, General Life Updates — Tags: , , , , — slimpickins @ 8:37 pm

Why is it so hard to get beyond your past and completely move on? We all have our speed bumps, hills, crevasse or grand canyons in our past. No one has the same past or issues. Think about that before you make an judgement about someone. What could be a simple suggestion could turn into the one thing that pushes someone over the edge. If someone isn’t happy or self conscious in regards to something about themselves and you bring up that they should try to change it, you could be lighting the fuse on an internal bomb.

I have been sexually abused, physically abused, and mentally abused. I have plenty of physical and emotional scars, some are self inflicted whereas others were caused externally. I have worked on healing my scars and thought that I was doing so well, however, I am learning that no matter how much you work on them they will NEVER heal. It only takes one word/sentance/thought to rip open the scar anew.

I was born with ear issues. The bones in my ear were not completely formed (as they should have been). I was unable to hear properly. I had lots of ear infections and troubles. From what I hear I cried all the time and was always in pain. Before the age of 3 I had ruptured both ear drums a few times. At age 3 I was able to get tubes put in my ears. This allowed me to hear my mother’s voice for the first time. My mom says she remembers me sitting on her lap and looking back at her and saying “Momma, I can hear you.” I have been told that I sat on the floor and was in utter awe of all the new noises I could hear. I was touching everything to make noise, just to hear it. I still have ear issues and my ear drums have ruptured a few more times.

I have a learning disability due to the late development of my hearing. I am extremely visual. I read lips without anyone noticing. I am tone-deaf, so I have no idea what the songs really sound like. I have horrible balance and depth perception. I have issues with time in the sense that I can tell you what time it is, but I cannot feel time. An hour feels like a day or a year or a month or a few seconds. It all feels the same to me.

I was first abused when I was 6 years old, by a 16 year old babysitter. He took advantage of me sexually and it was so traumatic that I blocked it out for 7 years. I was determined to never have to deal with it or remember it. I was awoken from my hiding place when I heard a story from a friend that stuck a cord so deep, I could no longer hid all of my tears. I cried for my past, I cried for my pain, I cried for my loss of innocence, and I cried for me. I was angry that I could allow this to happen to myself. Why didn’t I know better, Why didn’t I run, Why didn’t I fight back, Why.. Why… Why…

I was always made fun of growing up. I heard things like “You are too skinny, it’s disgusting”, “Flat Chested”, “ugly”, “weird”, “strange”, “odd-ball” and “hard to live with”. I cried a lot to myself. I had a few friends and many acquaintances. Everyone knew who I was due to my strange quirks but not many people wanted to be my friends. I pushed a lot of people away from me because I did not deserve such good people in my life. How could they like me, I was horribly broken and damaged?

At a friends birthday party the girls thought it would be fun since I feel asleep first to fill up my sleeping bag with silverfish and crickets. I woke up screaming covered with scratches and bites and dead crickets/silverfish surrounded me. They had broken my zipper so that I could not get out, and I could hear the crickets chirp as they scratched all over my body. I ran to the main house in tears until her mother took pliers to the sleeping bag to free me from my torture chamber. I went to get dressed and found that the girls has poured grape soda on all my clothes and froze them in the freezer, so I had nothing to put on to go home. I called home in tears to get me, and was told I was over reacting. I was now being made fun of for crying and being a baby, but the turning point was when my friend pushed me down while yanking out some hair and calling me a baby. I finally fought back (and I won) and I was finally able to go home. Where I cried more as now I had lost my only friend and was back to being alone. I did what I always did, I pushed it down, talked to my stuffed animals and hung out with my pets. I also hung out with my brothers friends, as they didn’t seem to mind too much or were at least nicer than anyone else.

During 6th grade I was fortune enough to get the wrong bus driver. On the bus ride home one day, my friend was being mean and pushing me off the seat. The bus driver was not happy with me being half on/half off the seat and was making signs into the mirror that I needed to scoot over. I kept trying but she would not let me over, as she thought it was funny. He no longer thought it was funny, so he pulled the bus over and grabbed me hard on the arm. He pulled me into the seat in front and pushed me into the window. Then he proceeded to scold me (I can’t remember the words) and he choked me while pushing me into the window. My neck caught on a window rivet and cut open. I was hysterical and just wanted to get to my stop and get off the bus as soon as possible. The ordeal did not end there. After I told my brother what happened and the school district called to talk to me, the bus driver was fired (he had priors for child abuse). Then the fun began… In retaliation the bus driver stalked the bus stops and bribed kids to lie for him. He stalked our family and hid in the bushes to get me to be quiet. He would sit in a car across from the house or bus stop and watch us. He would call the house when my mom or whoever was there alone and advise them that he was aware that no one else was home. We had the cops on speed dial and knew the local cops well. Finally after months of talking and stalking, we made it to transportation court. I had to swear in and tell my story all over again, with him and his girlfriend looking at me. She was snickering and laughing at me. I was so nervous, scared and confused. After it went to another court, we did not hear anything. I had to wait 10 years to find out that it to the supreme court to rule that he was justified in being fired. I was asked at age 19 to go back to court and confront him again after the supreme court ruling. I was scared and did not want to be back in that place again, so I said that I could not. I do not regret not going, I could not face him again. I see the scar every day and just finally have begun to wear scarfs again and still cannot wear a turtleneck.

I stressed myself out so much that I was chronically sick, in the doctors office and out of class. I missed almost a month of school every year or more do to sick days (not counting Dr appointments). I had scarlet fever, many bouts of mono, many bouts of bronchitis, sinus infections, etc….

Some people turn to drugs or alcohol. At 13 I turned to cutting myself with anything and everything. It was easy to control and hide. I was very good at it and naturally clumsy, and no one knew for a few years. When cutting wasn’t enough anymore I started to put chemicals into my eyes. I couldn’t control my weight, I couldn’t control my breast size, I couldn’t control my face, I couldn’t control my skin; but I could control my pain. Cutting never hurt, in fact it was a much needed release of stress, worry, pain and hurt in the only way I knew how. I finally got found out; with the cutting and went into counseling. We talked about better alternatives to dealing with my problems. I still think about cutting when things get bad, but I have yet to try again. Things seemed to be going well and then a simple thing made me blow up at someone that really cared about me. All the bottling up of emotions came bursting out. I felt horrible about it so I purchased a few things, went home and took a bottle of aspirin, a bottle of Tylenol and a bottle of ibuprofen with water and took a nap. I did not die but instead woke-up with a  headache and violent vomiting. It was not my time to die. More therapy and I learned other alternatives to deal with my hate, my anger, my problems. Much healthier ways.. talk about it instead of bottling it up.

I found a youth group that was much more of a group of wayward teens trying to get through life. We were our own support group and helped each other grow up, figure out who we are and just get through life. They were my savior and without them I would not be alive today. I can say that with perfect conviction. They helped me feel wanted and needed and desired and welcomed. I started to feel better about myself, though it was mostly in a sexual manner. I equated sexual desire to my worthiness as a human being.

Late high school or early college, I was in a relationship with a wonderful man. He was my first love and he taught me a lot about how great men can be. Until… I said “No” and he decided that since we were together that was not an option. I had another out of body experience and cried for days.

After him, I had plenty of bad men that I dated. Only the ones that were not good for me. If you could actually make me happy, then I would sabotage the relationship and move on quickly. I never cheated and never will, but I moved on rather quickly. I continued to equated sexual desire to my worthiness as a human being.

After I made it though the teen years and went to college, I found a wonderful man. We were the same person only opposite sexes. We fell hard and fast and moved really quick. I was not ready for such love or such wonderfulness. I self sabotaged everything and ran away. We stayed in contact, he joined the military and went to Korea. He called me from Korea (via his computer and mine) just to chat and try to work things out. We had talked about picking things back up again when he came back to the states. We were not together, it was just implied that this would happen. I met someone while he was in Korea and 6 months later I was married. When he returned to the states to meet me at my door, he got the shock of me telling him that I had gotten married while he was away. More self-sabotage because he could not possible want to be with me or marry me. He was way too good for me and I couldn’t let him settle down with me. So I made the choice for him and married someone else. This is one thing I regret. I treated him in a way that I never should have and I dislike myself for that.

I found a man who wanted to marry me. I was ecstatic to be desired for marriage. I wanted to be married and desired so much that I married him, even though I knew it wasn’t right for me. I got married on short notice to everyone including myself. He was a nice enough man, but not what I needed or desired or really wanted. I gave up all my friends and settled into my new life. I supported us for years and finally left him when it became apparent that being married to him was not good for me.  One of the jobs I took that I enjoyed was Stripper. Yes I was an exotic dancer and I loved it. My self confidence had risen and peaked. I continued to equated sexual desire to my worthiness as a human being. It was not my career choice so after some time, I got a regular day job. Lots of emotional abuse and I finally decided to leave him when he chose drugs over me. After the separation, he charged lots of money in my name causing my wages to be garnished. I filled for Bankruptcy alone because he did not want to be included (per his mother’s wishes). After trying for a year to be granted a divorce from him, I received a call asking me to send the papers one more time. Turns out he was arrested for manufacturing drugs and was going to prison. I am thankful that the only thing he did for me was to grant me the divorce.

During my marriage I worked at a convenience store/gas station. I was alone in the store for the final 2 hours of my shift; between day shift and the graveyard shift. Everything was going well until one night a masked man came into the store. I was robbed at gun point and my head was beaten into the cooler door until I passed out. I was woken up by one of my regular customers. I called the police and the rest of the ordeal began. Apparently the manager did not have the video cameras turned on, suspicious to me. I had been authorized to not make all of my money drops into the safe as it was a big K-State game weekend and I might be needed to break bigger bills, suspicious to me. The cops took my statement, questioned my regular customer, the manager, etc… I was placed on non-paid leave while they “investigated”, but I resigned instead. Since my husband had a past with the cops, they tried to pin the robbery on him. I was taken in for questioning on my 20th birthday. After 6 hours of interrogation and coercion, I finally caved in (scared out of my witts) and wrote a statement that was a lie. It was my fault for believing in the police and this fault caused other problems for us. After needing an attorney and what not, my husband ended up having to plea bargain with the cops to avoid me getting charged for purgery.  After restitution was paid and all the court fees, etc… we found out that it was the managers son who robbed the store. It was a setup and not the first time it had happened either. Sadly he used to be a friend. He had blabbed about it after being arrested for something else.

The other main event of my marriage was when one morning after a night of dancing at the strip club, my husband and myself drove to the store to pick up something to eat. Upon leaving the store, with my husband illegally driving there was an accident. He bent down to light his cigarette while driving through the parking lot. I screamed and he had just enough time to miss the brake and hit the accelerator. He plowed the passenger side of our conversion van into the concrete base of the light pole. My seat-belt was broken so I was not wearing it when we hit. My knees broke through the dashboard, my shoulder and forehead hit the windshield and I flew over all of the seats into the back doors. I was taken to the hospital while my husband was left to deal with the car and the police. Even unconscious I was lying that I was driving as he had no license. The cops knew better but could not arrest him as it was private property. When he finally got to the hospital, he was not allowed to see me as we had different last names. I do not remember any of this night after going home from work and waking up in the hospital. All of these events have been told to me by our friend who’s father owned the wrecking yard that my van was taken to. We were allowed to pick up items out of the van a few days after the accident because we were friends. You would think that almost killing your wife would keep you from driving with a suspended license, but it did not. He never did learn that lesson.

After the divorce I spent more time on myself. Trying to better myself and fix the problems that I had with myself. I spent almost 2 years alone, working on myself and then I started dating again. I was choosing better men this time, but they were still not what I needed/desired/wanted to be happy. Baby steps in working towards the man of my dreams, but always in the progressive forward motion.

I met a wonderful man through my job. We started dating and things seemed great. He had a past with medical problems including renal failure and non-Hodgkin lymphoma. After a short 6 months of dating, his kidneys began to fail again. We worked though it together as best as we could. I was there by his side through Dr appointments, treatments, surgeries, emergency trips, peritoneal dialysis, giving him daily injections and sickness. I became his caretaker instead of his girlfriend. He refused to do the treatments and take care of himself. I stayed with him for another 2 years from the on-set. Finally I realized that the disease had taken over him and he had become the disease. He was no longer himself, but was renal failure. I asked him to leave and go home to his family. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. He left and went home to his family to continue treatments. Things got bad, but he always pulled through. About a year later he went to the hospital again and this time he did not return. I lost someone I had romantically loved at his young age of 26. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He loved me up until the moment that he died. I am very grateful that I got to have him in my life.

I turned to my then boyfriend for total support. I had lost my grandma in November and then my past love in January. I was not prepared for this much loss and heartache. This loss brought my and my boyfriend closer together. He was everything that I had wanted in personality. He was kind, loving, gentle, sweet, smart, goofy, playful, etc.. The only problem was that had no license and no job. I refused to pay for and support another man, so we did not live together. We had a wonderful relationship and are still real good friends today. I finally realized that if I was not happy with the situation now, that I would never be and moved on.

I dated a few times over 2 years, and then I found the love of my life. We happened upon each other and I could not ask for more. He is everything that I have been looking for and working towards all my life. He is the one for me, of that I have no doubt. Equal relationship, Equal partnership, Equal everything.

I am still working on not equating my worthiness or adequacy on sexual desire. I am still working on issues regarding sex, sexual desire, sexual health and all things sexual in regards to my happiness and healthiness. Progress is made, even if it is slower than I would like. Patience is something that I am working on now. Taking things slower than I am used to. One day at a time, as I head onward into the future.

Thankful Day 27

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: — slimpickins @ 7:46 am

Day 1: Today I am thankful for my Ginger furbaby!

Day 2: Today I am thankful to be able to pay all of my bills!

Day 3: Today I am thankful for cuddle-up sleeps with my sweetie.

Day 4: Today I am thankful for having a steady full-time job that is only 40 hours a week!

Day 5: Today I am thankful for having a wonderful landlord and neighbor.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for health, dental and vision insurance.

Day 7: Today I am thankful for communication. Important in every relationship or meeting.

Day 8: Today I am thankful for all the love in my life. My friends, family and the love of my life.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for passion. Passion that drives us to greatness or passion that drives to great sex.

Day 10: Today I am thankful for tattooists. Allowing me to individualize my skin canvas in many ways.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for my uncles, grandfather, father, mother, friends, extended family and my love who have all served our great country. I appreciate your service and dedication in all branches of the armed forces.

Day 12: Today I am thankful for federal holidays that allow me to spend more time with my beloved.

Day 13: Today I am thankful for food. All types of yummy, awesome taste-bud tingling food.

Day 14: Today I am thankful for online classes. Giving me the ability to work on my school work anywhere.

Day 15: Today I am thankful for mittens and gloves to keep my hands and fingers warm.

Day 16: Today I am thankful for all my new friends this year. Thank you for making this year better.

Day 17: Today I am thankful for hot water. Allowing for relaxing hot baths and showers.

Day 18: Today I am thankful that with all of my mental and physical issues that none will kill me. They make my life interesting but will never kill me.

Day 19: Today I am thankful for affection when I need it most in the most simple of ways. The soft caress, the look out of the corner of your eye, the soft sweet kiss, or the sweet words that you utter from your mouth.

Day 20: Today I am thankful for having 5 senses most of the time. I feel some of my senses depleting every few years, but I am greatful for what I have left and that I have trained myself so that I will be able to cope without them if need be.

Day 21: Today I am thankful for taking the commuter train to work. Less than half the time it takes the bus, cleaner people and no butts in my face.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for sunshine. It warms me up and brightens my day.

Day 23: Today I am thankful for 2 fantastic months with my Jax! I can’t wait for many more in the future.

Day 24: Today I am thankful for Naproxen.. prescription strength Naproxen. You allow me to make it through my day.

Day 25: Today I am thankful for warm merino wool socks that keep my toes warm and dry.

Day 26: Today I am thankful for the ability to unplug and not feel guilty. I really need to get away from the net and the now, more often.

Day 27: Today I am thankful for music…. allowing me to relax and say things that I can’t voice otherwise.

November 26, 2012

It’s not me… It’s not me

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: — slimpickins @ 11:42 am

WOO HOOO…… It’s not me… Yes you heard me correctly. I said that it’s not me. No matter what you say, actions speak louder than words and I was worried. I was worried that you would leave me due to something I could not control. There is still a small worry, but I feel a thousand times better.

I cannot explain how much better I feel. I was looking into alternative options even though they were expesnsive and may not help for very long. I didn’t know what else to do.

 

Thankful Day 26

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: — slimpickins @ 9:31 am

Day 1: Today I am thankful for my Ginger furbaby!

Day 2: Today I am thankful to be able to pay all of my bills!

Day 3: Today I am thankful for cuddle-up sleeps with my sweetie.

Day 4: Today I am thankful for having a steady full-time job that is only 40 hours a week!

Day 5: Today I am thankful for having a wonderful landlord and neighbor.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for health, dental and vision insurance.

Day 7: Today I am thankful for communication. Important in every relationship or meeting.

Day 8: Today I am thankful for all the love in my life. My friends, family and the love of my life.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for passion. Passion that drives us to greatness or passion that drives to great sex.

Day 10: Today I am thankful for tattooists. Allowing me to individualize my skin canvas in many ways.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for my uncles, grandfather, father, mother, friends, extended family and my love who have all served our great country. I appreciate your service and dedication in all branches of the armed forces.

Day 12: Today I am thankful for federal holidays that allow me to spend more time with my beloved.

Day 13: Today I am thankful for food. All types of yummy, awesome taste-bud tingling food.

Day 14: Today I am thankful for online classes. Giving me the ability to work on my school work anywhere.

Day 15: Today I am thankful for mittens and gloves to keep my hands and fingers warm.

Day 16: Today I am thankful for all my new friends this year. Thank you for making this year better.

Day 17: Today I am thankful for hot water. Allowing for relaxing hot baths and showers.

Day 18: Today I am thankful that with all of my mental and physical issues that none will kill me. They make my life interesting but will never kill me.

Day 19: Today I am thankful for affection when I need it most in the most simple of ways. The soft caress, the look out of the corner of your eye, the soft sweet kiss, or the sweet words that you utter from your mouth.

Day 20: Today I am thankful for having 5 senses most of the time. I feel some of my senses depleting every few years, but I am greatful for what I have left and that I have trained myself so that I will be able to cope without them if need be.

Day 21: Today I am thankful for taking the commuter train to work. Less than half the time it takes the bus, cleaner people and no butts in my face.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for sunshine. It warms me up and brightens my day.

Day 23: Today I am thankful for 2 fantastic months with my Jax! I can’t wait for many more in the future.

Day 24: Today I am thankful for Naproxen.. prescription strength Naproxen. You allow me to make it through my day.

Day 25: Today I am thankful for warm merino wool socks that keep my toes warm and dry.

Day 26: Today I am thankful for the ability to unplug and not feel guilty. I really need to get away from the net and the now, more often.

November 25, 2012

Thankful Day 25

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: — slimpickins @ 10:27 pm

Day 1: Today I am thankful for my Ginger furbaby!

Day 2: Today I am thankful to be able to pay all of my bills!

Day 3: Today I am thankful for cuddle-up sleeps with my sweetie.

Day 4: Today I am thankful for having a steady full-time job that is only 40 hours a week!

Day 5: Today I am thankful for having a wonderful landlord and neighbor.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for health, dental and vision insurance.

Day 7: Today I am thankful for communication. Important in every relationship or meeting.

Day 8: Today I am thankful for all the love in my life. My friends, family and the love of my life.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for passion. Passion that drives us to greatness or passion that drives to great sex.

Day 10: Today I am thankful for tattooists. Allowing me to individualize my skin canvas in many ways.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for my uncles, grandfather, father, mother, friends, extended family and my love who have all served our great country. I appreciate your service and dedication in all branches of the armed forces.

Day 12: Today I am thankful for federal holidays that allow me to spend more time with my beloved.

Day 13: Today I am thankful for food. All types of yummy, awesome taste-bud tingling food.

Day 14: Today I am thankful for online classes. Giving me the ability to work on my school work anywhere.

Day 15: Today I am thankful for mittens and gloves to keep my hands and fingers warm.

Day 16: Today I am thankful for all my new friends this year. Thank you for making this year better.

Day 17: Today I am thankful for hot water. Allowing for relaxing hot baths and showers.

Day 18: Today I am thankful that with all of my mental and physical issues that none will kill me. They make my life interesting but will never kill me.

Day 19: Today I am thankful for affection when I need it most in the most simple of ways. The soft caress, the look out of the corner of your eye, the soft sweet kiss, or the sweet words that you utter from your mouth.

Day 20: Today I am thankful for having 5 senses most of the time. I feel some of my senses depleting every few years, but I am greatful for what I have left and that I have trained myself so that I will be able to cope without them if need be.

Day 21: Today I am thankful for taking the commuter train to work. Less than half the time it takes the bus, cleaner people and no butts in my face.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for sunshine. It warms me up and brightens my day.

Day 23: Today I am thankful for 2 fantastic months with my Jax! I can’t wait for many more in the future.

Day 24: Today I am thankful for Naproxen.. prescription strength Naproxen. You allow me to make it through my day.

Day 25: Today I am thankful for warm merino wool socks that keep my toes warm and dry.

November 24, 2012

Thankful Day 24

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: — slimpickins @ 11:02 am

Day 1: Today I am thankful for my Ginger furbaby!

Day 2: Today I am thankful to be able to pay all of my bills!

Day 3: Today I am thankful for cuddle-up sleeps with my sweetie.

Day 4: Today I am thankful for having a steady full-time job that is only 40 hours a week!

Day 5: Today I am thankful for having a wonderful landlord and neighbor.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for health, dental and vision insurance.

Day 7: Today I am thankful for communication. Important in every relationship or meeting.

Day 8: Today I am thankful for all the love in my life. My friends, family and the love of my life.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for passion. Passion that drives us to greatness or passion that drives to great sex.

Day 10: Today I am thankful for tattooists. Allowing me to individualize my skin canvas in many ways.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for my uncles, grandfather, father, mother, friends, extended family and my love who have all served our great country. I appreciate your service and dedication in all branches of the armed forces.

Day 12: Today I am thankful for federal holidays that allow me to spend more time with my beloved.

Day 13: Today I am thankful for food. All types of yummy, awesome taste-bud tingling food.

Day 14: Today I am thankful for online classes. Giving me the ability to work on my school work anywhere.

Day 15: Today I am thankful for mittens and gloves to keep my hands and fingers warm.

Day 16: Today I am thankful for all my new friends this year. Thank you for making this year better.

Day 17: Today I am thankful for hot water. Allowing for relaxing hot baths and showers.

Day 18: Today I am thankful that with all of my mental and physical issues that none will kill me. They make my life interesting but will never kill me.

Day 19: Today I am thankful for affection when I need it most in the most simple of ways. The soft caress, the look out of the corner of your eye, the soft sweet kiss, or the sweet words that you utter from your mouth.

Day 20: Today I am thankful for having 5 senses most of the time. I feel some of my senses depleting every few years, but I am greatful for what I have left and that I have trained myself so that I will be able to cope without them if need be.

Day 21: Today I am thankful for taking the commuter train to work. Less than half the time it takes the bus, cleaner people and no butts in my face.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for sunshine. It warms me up and brightens my day.

Day 23: Today I am thankful for 2 fantastic months with my Jax! I can’t wait for many more in the future.

Day 24: Today I am thankful for Naproxen.. prescription strength Naproxen. You allow me to make it through my day.

November 23, 2012

Thankful Day 23

Filed under: General Life Updates — Tags: — slimpickins @ 12:55 pm

Day 1: Today I am thankful for my Ginger furbaby!

Day 2: Today I am thankful to be able to pay all of my bills!

Day 3: Today I am thankful for cuddle-up sleeps with my sweetie.

Day 4: Today I am thankful for having a steady full-time job that is only 40 hours a week!

Day 5: Today I am thankful for having a wonderful landlord and neighbor.

Day 6: Today I am thankful for health, dental and vision insurance.

Day 7: Today I am thankful for communication. Important in every relationship or meeting.

Day 8: Today I am thankful for all the love in my life. My friends, family and the love of my life.

Day 9: Today I am thankful for passion. Passion that drives us to greatness or passion that drives to great sex.

Day 10: Today I am thankful for tattooists. Allowing me to individualize my skin canvas in many ways.

Day 11: Today I am thankful for my uncles, grandfather, father, mother, friends, extended family and my love who have all served our great country. I appreciate your service and dedication in all branches of the armed forces.

Day 12: Today I am thankful for federal holidays that allow me to spend more time with my beloved.

Day 13: Today I am thankful for food. All types of yummy, awesome taste-bud tingling food.

Day 14: Today I am thankful for online classes. Giving me the ability to work on my school work anywhere.

Day 15: Today I am thankful for mittens and gloves to keep my hands and fingers warm.

Day 16: Today I am thankful for all my new friends this year. Thank you for making this year better.

Day 17: Today I am thankful for hot water. Allowing for relaxing hot baths and showers.

Day 18: Today I am thankful that with all of my mental and physical issues that none will kill me. They make my life interesting but will never kill me.

Day 19: Today I am thankful for affection when I need it most in the most simple of ways. The soft caress, the look out of the corner of your eye, the soft sweet kiss, or the sweet words that you utter from your mouth.

Day 20: Today I am thankful for having 5 senses most of the time. I feel some of my senses depleting every few years, but I am greatful for what I have left and that I have trained myself so that I will be able to cope without them if need be.

Day 21: Today I am thankful for taking the commuter train to work. Less than half the time it takes the bus, cleaner people and no butts in my face.

Day 22: Today I am thankful for sunshine. It warms me up and brightens my day.

Day 23: Today I am thankful for 2 fantastic months with my Jax! I can’t wait for many more in the future.

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