Slimpickins's Weblog

January 29, 2013

I HATE my body

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , , , — slimpickins @ 11:11 am

I hate my body… It is evil. It craves things that it cannot have. It brings things to me that I dislike and dispise. I am tired of the pain, the constant cravings, the desires, the needs. I am having violent thoughts like I used to have back in the day. This is not good. I have reached out to my therapist and I am putting this out here as well. I need help….. my body is an evil vessel and I dispise it yet again. I sometimes wish it would just give up and stop working.

I have not hurt myself, nor do I plan to. I am just letting it be know that I again have thoughts to do so. I need a new body that doesn’t want all the things that it cannot have.

How do you decrease your sex drive?

Filed under: Medical Issues/Problems — Tags: , , , , — slimpickins @ 7:56 am

How do I decrease my sex drive? I finally have a libido and want to show my affection to my lover; however; my lover does not have as high of a libido. If I push for sex, it’s a problem. If I wait for him to have sex, it’s a problem.

I do not know what to do. I am afraid to put walls back up and turn off my sexual desire for my partner, but I do not how else to ease the stress and complications that this causes. I am sexually frustrated all the time, which makes me irritable and that never helps anyone.

I do not sex to be a chore or a burden to either of us, and yet I feel that it is already. I am getting increasingly frustrated with myself and beginning to resent myself. I am starting to not like sex and just wanting it to go away. I wish I didn’t have any sexual desires at all, it would make life so much easier.

I have tried exercise, food changes, toys, masturbation, abstinence, etc. Nothing seems to curb the desire.

If you have any ideas, please let me know.

January 14, 2013

Needing you…

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , , , — slimpickins @ 10:27 pm

I need you with me all the time. I want you all the time. Sometimes I feel like I have fucked up your life, by being in it. I feel like I have majorly complicated your life and I feel horrible for that. I know that all of the complications are not my fault, but I still feel bad. Is it bad that I am happy to complicate your life if it means that I get to be with you? You are the best thing to have ever happened to me and I refuse to lose you. I know that our life together will not be easy, it will always be complicated and stressful; yet I desire it more than anything I have ever wanted.

I finally see what I am here for. My place on this earth is to be by your side as your partner, your soul-mate, your wife. I am not easy to live with myself, and yet we balance each other out nicely.

I am sitting here on my first day of school and I am thinking about you and how much I love you. I desire you always. We are broken in unity and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Forever yours and you are mine.

January 9, 2013

Lifelong Goals…

Filed under: General Stuff — Tags: , — slimpickins @ 3:29 pm

Here are my life goals:
1.Get my B.S. in Accounting
2.Get engaged to the love of my life
3.Have a Bachelorette Party
4.Get married to the love of my life
5.Have a Honeymoon
6.Go to all Disney Parks in the World at least once
7.Take a real cruise
8.Ride a Bull
9.Drive in a Demolition Derby
10.Buy a house (on my own or with my love)
11.See Auschwitz
12.Own a Hearse
13.Find another Charlie Horse
14.Leave a meaningful mark on this world when I leave
15.Spend the rest of my days making the love of my life; feel happy, deserved and content
16.Make-out often
17.Learn to work on Motorcyles
18.Learn how to do more vehicle maintenance (routine stuff like suspension/struts, etc.)
19.Go to Northwest Trek
20.Go up the Space Needle
21.Go to the Kangaroo Farm
22.Travel More….
23.Get all my teeth fixed
24.Get more tattoos (full sleeves and back at least)
25.Take a ride in a hot air balloon
26.Pay off all of my school loan debt
27.See the Island of the Dolls in Mexico
28.Skydive
29.Get a New Year’s Kiss
30.Visit Mt. Rushmore
31.Visit Yellowstone
32.Visit the Grand Canyon and walk the see-through bridge
33.visit Hawaii

January 2, 2013

Heart to Heart; Soul to Soul

Filed under: Emotional Stuffs — Tags: , , , — slimpickins @ 7:19 am

It is amazing what a good ol’ fashioned heart to heart does for the soul and relationship.

Things are fantastic and I am so darn happy I could scream with joy. SQUEEEEEE!

I cannot wait for this year and all the greatness it will bring us. The only thing to make it better is a fast forward button (sometimes). I get so excited that I am impatient.

Love you all, so much!

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