Stress Never Ends…

So… I had a decent Turkey Day. I spent actual Turkey Day in Salem with my grandma, uncle, aunt, cousins, mom and my brother. Then I spent the rest of the weekend at Seaside on the Oregon coast with my dad, his wife, my brother, my step-brother and my step-grandma. It was a pretty decent trip and I even got some Christmas Shopping.

I didn’t have e-mail access so I  had to wait until I got home to see what anyone had e-mailed me or anything like that. Wouldn’t you know it, I come home to a bad e-mail. My roommate, (who decided earlier that she wanted to move out in January instead of stay for the whole lease that ends in June) sent me an e-mail that she can’t afford to pay rent for December. Now mind you this give me 7 days to come up with the $480 that is her part of rent. She said that if I would cover it then she would pay me back over the next 3 weeks. She still owes me money from Septembers rent I borrowed her and she doesn’t want to pay utilities if she is not at the house (but still has things plugged in).

There is no way that I can come up with $480 extra in 7 days. So I advised her that unfortunately I cannot come up with that amount by the 1st of the month. Then I advised her that I had no choice but to ask her to either pay rent in full by the first or to move her stuff out by the 1st (so that I could have someone else take over the 7 months left on the lease as a roomie). I do have one option that might consider it, but not without full use of the room. (Now lets hope that they will take the offer, otherwise I have to borrow it from family. I hate doing that anyways, but it’s worse being so close to Christmas)

I guess I should feel bad since my roommate is my best friend, but she put herself in this position. If she wants to be treated like an adult then she needs to act like one and pay her fair share of the bills, and if she can’t then she needs to remove her stuff so that someone else can.

11/20/07 Horoscope

Gemini ~

This could be a very social phase for you, but you need to be careful or you will burn yourself out before the fun is over. Unfortunately, your mind isn’t on the future now, unless you consciously remind yourself to pay attention to it. It’s a smart idea to keep one eye on the distant horizon while you are making current decisions that can sustain your pleasure.

Taurus ~

Conflicting signals stir up confusion today. It appears that doors are opening and you should be able to walk right through them. But something isn’t quite right, for your intuition is telling you that you should stay right where you are. Don’t be so quick to push for more; happiness may be closer than you realize.

Job….

So I had my meeting with HR today and they offered me the job starting 12/31/2007 at more pay than I was expecting. Plus benefits go into effect immediately, 1/1/2008. I am soooo happy!!!!!

T-mobile Interview and Work updates

So I went to the T-mobile interview on Friday afternoon. Since I don’t really want the job, I found it hard to put all that good energy into what I said. I still feel that  it was a good interview and that when they notify me (beginning of December) that I have the job if I want it. Though I don’t really want it.

I came in to work today and found that I had a present left on my chair by my boss. A new laptop configured for wireless… YEAH this means that I can take it with me to training sessions, trips to work in Shawna’s office with her and to take home and work if I need to. Oh and I have a meeting with HR today right when I get off work (wish me luck this may be my offer for perm employment).

11/19/07 Horoscope

Gemini ~

 It’s difficult to prevent your mind from playing out every possible scenario today, for your thoughts are wired as your key planet Mercury is fired up by Mars. But frustration may set in when you realize that your intellectual meanderings won’t bring you any closer to happiness. Your best bet is to push past your indecision and pick a course of action without getting too attached to the outcome.

Taurus ~

Your key planet, Venus, is being stressed by assertive Mars, making it difficult for you to feel at ease. You might prefer to take the day off, but your needs are more complicated than usual. Peace and quiet is not as attractive as it sounds, so activate your senses today, rather than trying to ignore them.

11/13/07 Horoscope

Gemini ~

You often prefer the freedom to improvise, but you probably won’t have this option now. You can possibly push against authority, but you could also wear yourself out as it pushes back. This is like a training exercise that helps you to develop your talents through concentrated effort. A little discipline can help you enormously now.

Taurus ~

You might think that your mastery of detail is pretty good, but it’s too easy for you to skip over a critical piece of data today. You don’t have to sell your ideas, though; rather, you are educating people to understand an intricate vision of tomorrow. Even in the most casual interactions, others will appreciate seeing that you prepared. It doesn’t make you lose the breadth of your vision.

Goals…

Here are my short term  (next 3 months) goals (because long term goals require less planning, they will work themselves out based on my short term goals) ~

1) Get a Permanent Full-Time Job (T-mobile interview and applied for Concur perm job)

2) Clean, Organize and Re-arrange House

3) Quit Smoking (Starting taking prescription meds to try and stop)

4) Get hair cut into a new style (dyed hair, and have style in mind)

5) Finish my latch hook (been a WIP for over a year now)

Empty Numbness

Empty Numbness ~ 11/09/07

My body is numb,
From the flooding of contradicting emotions.
Happiness, Contentment, Sadness, and Grief,
Do I ride the roller coaster or run and hide with fear?

I feel empty,
How do I feel empty and yet so much all at the same time?
On the verge of tears,
Or not…who knows.

Confusion, Worry and Stress are longtime friends,
Is it time to say goodbye? Can I ever really say goodbye?
Friends come and friends go,
Sometimes it is out of our hands.

Fresh start bringing new hopes, dreams, life and a future,
Yet awareness of past brings old feelings to surface.
Sadness for what may be,
Grief of possible loss on the horizon.

Ashamed for things falling into place on my palette,
Fear of security and happiness overwhelms.
Guilt at being semi-healthy,
Sorrow that I can’t quite shake.

Diving deep into a new world,
Surrounded, cared about and loved.
Uncharted territory entered without much fear,
Knowing that it will all work out, shows growth.

Desire to let go and fall,
Trying not to hold back.
Avoiding unfounded urges to flee,
Allowing myself to go with the flow of life.

My body lost to empty numbness,
Flooded with contradicting emotions.
Happiness, Contentment, Sorrow, Guilt, Fear, and Shame,
Do I go with the tunnel and come out stronger or search for another path less traveled?

11/12/07 Horoscope

Gemini ~

 Your coworkers may be more positive in their current outlook than you are, which can make it challenging for you to just go along with the plan. Your resistance may stem from your fears of going too far, rather than any specific negativity. Nevertheless, reaching beyond your regular limits can be quite rewarding today.

Taurus ~

It can be hard to get back into the groove of working today, especially if the memory of a fine experience lingers from the weekend. Pursuing pleasure might sound like a good idea, but it probably won’t pay the bills. Try to make it through the day without jeopardizing the rest of your workweek.

Sad and Blah…

Today I am just feeling sad, blah and numb. My friend has been in the ICU since Halloween due to a stroke, aneurysm or a combination of the two. He was unconscious for about 3-4 days. Then he regained conscious, and seemed to be doing better. Yesterday he had another stroke followed by a seizure. He has been struggling with medical issues for about the last 13 years. I fear that his body has finally had enough and is giving up. He mentally (from my perspective) had given up awhile ago. I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that someone that I care about and have loved might not pull through this and may actually die.

If I am quiet or not as responsive as normal, this is why.